Who Pushes Your Buttons?

Hi there!

I hope this finds you healthy and well my friend.

We’ve just celebrated our first American Thanksgiving with our very kind and hospitable neighbours and I have to say I loved it! It’s just like a British Christmas really, turkey ‘n all, but no presents. NO PRESENTS! Bliss! Just focusing on what we’re grateful for. The day after, however, brought ‘Black Friday’, where the malls are stuffed full of people buying, buying, buying. Consumerism at its worst/best! What a complete contrast to the day before (and my idea of hell!)  So, needless to say, I went nowhere near the malls, opting instead to stay at home to paint and draw (now to be known as ‘Black Ink Friday’ in my book!)

Anyway, there’s something that’s been brewing on my mind for a few weeks, so I thought I’d share it with you: it’s all about the people who push our buttons!

I don’t know how you view your public self but I think mine’s quite a happy, patient and (mostly) mature one yet my buttons still get pushed when I’m out there! In fact some people in life seem to be master button-pushers! They know exactly what to say (or not to say), do (or not to do) to transform us from calm, happy people into intolerant, impatient and, quite frankly, horrid ones!

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We know that the best button-pushers are usually the people closest to us…..our other halves, our kids, family, close friends, work colleagues…..people we see all the time (or have grown up with). But every now and then a complete stranger or someone we don’t know that well manages to push our buttons too (especially if they work for BT)!

So why is that? What are these so called bloomin’ buttons anyway? And why do they trigger such negative emotions?

I’ve been pondering on this lately because I recently had one of those nasty eruptions with someone I didn’t know that well, which really upset me. It upset me on a few levels: firstly, that I publicly lost my cool and I wasn’t able to control it. Secondly, my preference was normally NOT to react there and then but to take a deep breath, disengage and work through it in my journal at a later stage. That way I get to look at the bigger picture, prevent myself from upsetting anyone and avoid the inevitable counter-attack! And lastly, I’d really rather not be revealing that real and vulnerable side of me, at least without some prior notice, for all and sundry to see!

So what did I do? I went to my room, put a metaphorical spotlight on the whole episode and worked through it. I wanted to know what the story behind it was. Why? Because I know that if this kind of thing stays inside us, it does far more damage in the long run.

Mark Twain Quote

So it needs to be addressed. Whenever it comes up, for whatever reason, it really needs to be interrogated there and then. If we don’t work through it, ‘it’ would just ‘go back down’ and that would be like continually brushing dirt under the carpet. Eventually there’d be such a large accumulation to inevitably trip up over that we’d probably hurt ourselves! So we have a choice: either let it stay put knowing that it would keep rearing it’s ugly head at unwelcome times and potentially manifest into some sort of dis-ease, or work through it. The former is certainly the easiest route, but I prefer the latter!

If you don’t heed the messages from your body the first time they’re delivered, you’ll get hit with a bigger hammer the next time.  A delay or denial requires your body to speak louder and louder to get your attention. The purpose of emotions, regardless of what they are, is to help you feel and participate fully in your own life. Stop and experience them! Then change your behavior accordingly.

Dr Christiane Northrup

I personally believe, through my own experiences, that our bodies are so much more amazing than we believe they are. And when ‘something comes up’, whether it dulls us, drains us, makes us react unfavorably or ails us, then we really should listen! Our body is trying to tell us something. And we must have the curiosity to find out what!

Aristotle believed that everything happens for a reason, always. And that every experience in our lives was designed to shape us and reform us into the ultimate and greatest version of ourselves that we could ever imagine.

I’ve been working on this for most of my complicated, beautiful life…..and it’s still very much a work in progress…..but I do love it! Love it? Yup, love it! Don’t get me wrong – the process can be hard. Sometimes very hard. It takes courage. But the things that are released, recovered from and restored to make it so worth it in the end.

Having said all that, the most rewarding thing about all this for me started the moment I turned from looking inwards to looking outwards. I began wondering what other peoples’ stories were and how they got to the point they were at. Better still, in the midst of my curiosity, I discovered I was actually able to help people work through their own ‘stuff’ too.

Now this might sound strange but we should actually be grateful for all those button-pushers of ours out there! If it weren’t for them we may not be ‘challenged’ to work through our issues and we certainly wouldn’t be able to help others either. So let’s consider button-pushers as some of our greatest teachers!

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That’s it for now my friend. Do let me know if you there’s someone you think might be ‘stuck’ with any feeling, thought pattern or dis-ease in anyway! I’d love to help them work through it, wherever they are in the world! And if there’s anyone you think would like to read this blog…..please go ahead and pass it on:

www.naturallyyas.com

Bye for now! Until next time…..
Yx

Greenery, Gratitude and Friends!

Hi there!

I hope this finds you and yours all well.

We are here! It was ‘Labor Day’ on Monday so we had an extra day at the weekend together…….in honour (according to Wikipedia) of working people. Being the country bumpkins that we are, we were craving to celebrate the day by getting out to find some countryside……anything that wasn’t flat and man-made. So we were thrilled (THRILLED!) when our lovely neighbours invited us to their parents’ farm for the day!

Don’t get me wrong…..we’re loving where we live with its trees and greenery!

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And we love that the kids get to ride around safely on our street with scooters, bikes, skateboards etc. But once you get off our estate the main roads are wide, flat, SCARY and concrete, with an occasional spaghetti junction thrown in! Aaaaaagh!

SIX Lanes!!
Not quite the A22……SIX Lanes!!

So you can understand why we longed to see something green…and natural! The drive out to the farm was only 90 minutes….and wonderful! The roads gradually narrowed down to single lanes, gentle undulations started appearing and it became greener and greener! Even the mini ‘A’s got off their electrical devices to observe! Meanwhile big A and I sounded like parents of two year olds “Look! A COW!”

We just soaked the day in and had a great time riding around the farm on buggies and quad bikes…..fishing, shooting, eating, drinking! (And all, thankfully, with no snakes!) We certainly drove back with our souls well and truly re-charged.

“The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man.” John Muir

Going back a day further to Sunday, I saw that it was lovely and sunny in Sussex and just knew that our rugby friends were up at the club……so I FaceTimed them! Oh my goodness! How lovely it was to see those gorgeous faces again. It almost felt like I was on the deck there with them! But when I signed off a wave of emotion whooshed up from deep inside somewhere. I actually felt it in my chest. I knew it came from looking back, remembering and missing all the amazing times we’d had up there over the years. But I also knew that I was dwelling in the past and that I needed to take some of my own medicine to try to return to the present moment. But I have to admit, it was really hard!

So I decided to resort to a game I challenge myself to with the not-so-mini ‘A’s…..to do the opposite of what I want to do! So, for example, instead of raising my voice when they’ve pushing all my buttons, (which is what I want to do), I stay calm and smile at them instead! It works wonders…for both them and me! (I’ll go more into the power of that another time!) So I sat for a while wondering how I could use this tactic to turn my sadness around….then this Winnie the Pooh quote just popped into my head!

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Wow! It made me realize how lucky I was to even have those friends to miss. I grabbed my journal and wrote down all the things I was grateful for in my friendships. Once I started I couldn’t stop! It went on and on and on! Yes, things were geographically different now but, as the old saying goes,

“Good friends can be like stars. You may not always see them, but you know they’re always there”.

So by the end of that list my heart was full of love and bursting. The sadness had turned to gratefulness. I felt I needed to celebrate this somehow. So I created a Pinterest board (here) in honour of my friends! (Is there a Friendship Day?! I just googled it….apparently there is…..on July 30th! I’ve just read on……and I can’t quite believe this, but apparently Winnie the Pooh was named the world’s ‘Ambassador of Friendship’ at the United Nations in 1998! Haha….I’m obviously soooo on the ball……with a six week delay!)

Anyway…..I’ve made a note to self: to play that opposite game more…..and to get out to the country as often as I can! It’s like hitting my reset button!

Back to now, and until we meet again…..anyone fancy FaceTime and a cuppa?!

Take care!

Yx